BBC's and OBC's

Ok now,don't presume things...... I'm not writing anything about the news channel or emphasizing on including some community under OBC(I myself belong to the category lol).They are supposed to convey a totally different meaning... be patient.

I hail from supposedly one of the most conservative neighborhoods of Mysore inhabited mostly by OBC's....old mysore to be precise. A girl wearing Capri or even jeans for that matter,talking to a guy is considered taboo(but women adorning themselves with Saree exhibiting the calf muscle ,are considered ardent protectors of Indian tradition... devastating expose').So I switch over to traditional Indian attire for at least 8 days in a month.I don't want BBC's troubling my mother once I leave.

After years of thinking got sunglasses (as a kid I always dreamt of sporting spectacles with very high power... even now I fantasize..lol)So overflowing with enthusiasm with my revolutionizing idea, wore the sunglasses... stepped out ,wore my skullcap .....bang..... BBC all of a sudden appeared in front of me..."oh ene... kannadaka ella togondidya(I stammered..my eyes burn when exposed to dust...).... shade iro helmet togondiddidre aagtirlilva... ( what an idea sirji or madam ji?? why didn't it strike me? why did I not buy a helmet with shades in the fornt?)I was born to carry helmet whenever its sunny ,dustyand I venture out....huh

I'm usually lazy ,don't even know what household chores mean.One day,my mother (thank her stars )somehow managed to convince me ,to dispose the garbage (during odd hours)I sluggishly was carrying the dustbin... a familiar voice stopped me...AIR.....not again......."raama raama what's wrong with you? How can you do this? clearing the trash on a friday night.." whatttttt?!!! now this is breathtaking....(deeply inhale exhale.. repeat....) Refrain from banging her head with the dustbin...or emptying it on her, your reputation is at stake... cautioned my heart...( was brain dead soon after receiving the very first signal of BBC's presence.)Ok now I won't clear the rubbish , cannot carry it back either.... Could you please keep it ,prevent it from decaying and discard it at your convinience?

If I may ask you for a favour,can I ask my folks to daily dump it in front of your house so that you can make it smell better and throw it off when the planetary positions are apt?

How can trash be related to its disposal time? Can anyone bring about a relation and a formula for this? are they directly/inversely proportional..... trash is a subset of what?.......can Rungekutta's algorithm be applied here............or a software program be developed?

Who was the guy you were talking to the other day?(my second husband's third wife's son in law)adeee....one who has a cycle(not the jet plane)...........

Where's your bindi? just because you are in bangalore ,you cannot forget the most important thing in life ....you are yet to get married ... who will marry you? (obviously not your son,I can't imagine you being my mother-in-law in wildest dreams) carry bindi and marry...... bharath matrimony can take this punchline.

Why do you have to drop (a male friend) when your dad is around?(so that you can ask me...the reason... I just love talking to you...)

"Your daughter everyday leaves home in the wee hours and returns only in the night"...I was alone at home for a week...

Ok you want the daily protocol...

I get up at 12 PM,go to a bhajana mandali..without taking bath or even brushing my teeth,

3 PM I'm at the Jewel Rock or purple haze... (no it's not in mysore I guess, probably bangalore have heard someone speaking about it....lol)

5:45 PM whistling Classes....and teach my students...

7:00 PM am back home to watch my favourite show on F channel...........

Is this enough? or do you want more?....

Such a pesky neighbour of 25 years... huh .Never got a chance to physically slam her(tho' have managed verbally).She has been able to control the entire locality with her oratory and news dispensing skills,used be the only source who could gather information from all the channels and air it live,comment,spice up the news ,provide sensational headlines,live commentaries etc etc...

I'm out of words.... her skills cannot be described in words......rebirth of kalidasa is THE only ray of hope..

All of a sudden she has gone mute....like the All India Radio after 12 AM....... ....tune ... tune.....AM FM SW .... nah nothing seems to be working ...but why?Has a lightening struck the antenna?OBC's are missing her...BBC has stopped transmission... why??????

Ayyo .....her denture is missing.........

OBC: Other Brahmin category

BBC: Brahmin's broadcasting corporation

I believe in secularism.....

Secularly yours,

Phoenix

so what.....?

This post cannot be actually termed original..... Was going through the news paper today(most of the times,that is where I draw inspiration form )There was this article by someone.....

"I have discovered a new word that works amazingly well in peripherally sucking situations"....is how the author takes off...

This could prove useful to me .So making a desperate attempt to apply it to vicissitudes of my life.........

I like summers... broiling sun,sultry heat,sweaty faces(not that I like body odour yuck... )

I kind of savour extremities in life....summer somehow reminds me of extremities and intensities of life....kindles the fire(to move on.... be alive and kicking to welcome the next one) within me.It's an invincible armour.. just the thought of summer..April.... may... exhilarating!!!!!!!!!!! Whenever life brandishes and serves an admonition, I think of summer and turn vainglorious

I was born on a hot sunny day(probably ...lol as if I was born with a thermometer in mouth and heat sensors all over )

Craved for attention as a primary school kid,but nobody cared or considered me worth a penny,glided away unnoticed.......so what?

Wanted to be a medico( hemophilia is good I like it lalala) ,ended up meddling with metals(Forging activity with a 10 pound hammer is the secret of my physical appearance ... cough) , studying their properties.... so what?

Want to be out of ops this very moment ,feckless.... so what?

My personal life is a mishap.... to be savoured ... so what?

Intended to be the best daughter...Result---> an instance of natural calamity(lol...no idea what this means... came out naturally... don't want to rephrase) so what?

Casualties in my life are as common as power cuts in mysore(during summers ) SW?

Despite being aware of the fact that life is wretched,I dream of a fruitful future...... so what?

I idealize all the situations and stumble upon s**t(to be read as smut... eeeeee) every single time.... so what?

Wish to master urdu/arabic,punjabi,spanish,bengali ,its just a desire..never to be actioned... so what?

Hate myself for most of the things......(But people like me.... lol) so what?

Have an epic of "so what's" ready to squirt out...nerve frayingly dramatic ones... hmm

Won't let the whole world know of it... will go to grave(rather pyre... totally irrelevant..abba) with me...huh

I (phoenix,christened by self...) hereby agree to accept anomalies of life with utmost reverence....

hope to pursue happiness (is a path not destination....anonymous)

What's past is prologue...

Songs of the day(rather night lol)

Dheere dheere machal aye dila-ye-bekaraar,

koi aataa hain Yun tadap ke naa tadapaa mujhe baar baar,

uske daaman kee khushboo hawaaon mein hain uske kadamon kee aahat panaahon mein hain mujh ko karne de karane de solah singaar mujh ko chhune lagee usakee parachhaeeyaan dil ke nazdik bajtee hain shahanaaeeyaan mere sapanon ke aangan mein gaataa hain pyaar..koi aata hai ruthh ke pehle jee bhar sataaoongee main jab manaayenge wo man jaaoongee main dil pe rehataa hain aise mein kab ikhtiyaar... koi aata hai..

Honthon Se Chulo Tum Meraa Git Amar Kar Do Ban Jaao Mit Mere

 Meri Prit Amar Kar Do 

na Umar Ki Simaa Ho na Janam Kaa Ho Bandhan 

Jab Pyaar Kare Koi To Dekhe Keval Man na_Ii Rit Chalaakar 

Tum Ye Rit Amar Kara Do Honthon Se Chulo Tum  

Jag ne Chhinaa Mujhase Mujhe Jo Bhi Lagaa Pyaaraa 

Sab Jitaa Kiye Mujhase Main Har Dam Hi Haaraa 

Tum Haar Ke Dil Apanaa Meri Jit Amar Kar Do 

Aakaash Kaa Suunaapan Mere Tanahaa Man Men 

Paayal Chhanakaati Tum Aajaao Jivan Men Saansen Dekar Apani Sangit Amar Kar Do

Do Honthon Se Chulo Tum

UFFF........HEART BOGGLING

COROLLARY: "so what?" is the essence of life

Frettingly yours,

Phoenix

TRF.... don't dare to know what it means....

I have a whole dictionary of words coined by me......(apabrahmsha)

like yellow=hello,zimbly==simply,oge==ok,DIM=don't irritate me,tadah==tata.,eeeeee==grin. many more,I don't remember all of them(courtesy accent of a mallu friend).

Today was a day with peace and tranquility in air......

I usually don't go this money sucking beauty salons(but worked in one for a week),I'm kind of hesitant to even enter such a place.... what if I go,they ask something and I just give a dumb look... I really don't know anything about fashion,beauty,what's in vogue? etc etc.... I'm clueless about the happenings of the fashion world....rather ignorant.........

Who the hell cares what Manish Malhotra or Ritu Beri has designed? I used to fill my wardrobe from buyings of foot path(in the past) .. but now have gone a step forward and visit westside,shopper's stop.... (not alone mind you).Somehow,where ever I go people think am a$$toundingly dumb(eeeeeeeeee) or bankrupt,penniless .These sales fellows don't even bother to see me....damn .........

Probably thinking I'm not a potential customer... Huh attitude....(I have lots of it... can distribute it to people..........)

Why did I start writing about all this?

Yeah I went to one such scary place today.....

The dame(no plump aunty#$@%) sitting in the reception as soon as I entered stared at me(look who is here? a potential bakra.... bakra my foot)

Mysore is not so sophisticated rather the people are not.....

I went to her and told the list of things I wanted to get done........(Madam you are supposed to take a prior appointment)Oh My god!!!!!!!!!!! is it? I didn't know(F*** off, I don't even see a fly around and you expect me take an appointment?)

I somehow had decided to not act dumb or present myself to be brain dead........(I have gray matter left )

I just said "It's ok,I'll come back some other time"...her expression was worth seeing.........(No,no!!!! it's ok we can manage.......)

She commented on my skin texture(Is it like that of sand? huh)..

"It's too dry and tanned"(tanned look is in you fool)lol........

I just kept mum,just wanted to get myself acquainted to the ways of fashionably robbing people and making them shell out a few more notes(hard earned money --shift allowance)

She started with something (it was like pulling my eyes,wringing my throat out,was she trying to kill me?my purse was lying besides me half dead)

I was then left alone in a dungeon with some glue like thing on my face.....with hot air gushing out of some tube(first experience... horrible)

She then came back.. started explaining.. I just couldn't react....(with my face at stake... gosh I'm single....what if my face is ruined? lol)then came some plaster of paris thing...next mortar....... huh I could smell the same thing being applied over and over again.....(what if you have purposely blindfolded me?I have my olfactory lobes working)I thought it would take 24 hours to beautify me.......it hardly took an hour ....(Look at yourself...... skin is sparkling like a star does.... (I looked more presentable before all these chemical reactions ate my skin cells up......dumbass).........

Then again an attempt to rob me of my pricey possessions.........

"Why don't you buy this ?It helps you to enhance your skin colour ?"(and look like a buffalo???)

I bought that too.....(some semi solid scrambled inside a plastic bucket sorry dabba...It was my first ever and probably the last experience...... )

Was kind of funny......But of course at the cost of some currency....

I can afford that much for fun once in a while.........

I'll never be the same if we ever meet again(I threatened the brittle mercury coated solid)

Epilogue:

TRF=Tan removal facial

Am I good at rendering things other than sad stories ?

beautifully yours,

Phoenix